There is no such thing as an easy, pain free divorce. Let’s face it – it would be a strange world indeed if we were to get married to someone thinking ‘one day I’ll divorce this person…’
So the majority of people are not really prepared at all for the road that lies ahead.
Even in the ‘best’ of divorces where couples ‘consciously uncouple’ and decide to manage their separation together… the path can be littered with emotional and practical debris.
- What do we do with the home?
- Will the kids be ok?
- Where will I live?
- How will we manage?
- What about the grandparents?
- What will my colleagues think?
- Will I we be ok?
And so the list goes on.
So, there is no such thing as an easy, pain free divorce BUT there is a better way to divorce.
Here are 7 things to think about if you are ready to get a divorce and you want find a better way:
1. Understand the divorce process
Getting a grasp of the legal framework will help. Getting the right information early on can allay many concerns you might have over how the financial and practical questions can be answered
Take a look at our series of self-help informative blogs on ‘Understanding divorce’.
2. Check in with yourself
It may seem obvious – but take care of yourself!
It is true that divorce comes second only to bereavement of a spouse in the scale of stresses. Whether you want the divorce or not, the whole thing is stressful.
Professional counselling, support groups and a good network of family or friends can be helpful.
3. Keep blame out of it
Seldom is the end of a marriage entirely the fault of one person….even if it may seem like it. The sad truth is that although you both exchanged vows of forever (and meant it) something has changed along the way.
Some couples manage their way through and some do not….it’s no failure…it was just not meant to be.
4. Remember your children didn’t ask for this
- They love you both
- They are part of both of you
- They were born out of love
- The love you feel for them is the same
- Allow them to love you both the same too
- Give them permission to love the other parent
Remember: it’s not the divorce that will affect them – but the way you handle it will.
5. Put children first
Really and truly.
6. Keep your focus on the future
This is not always easy – but in this situation – right now – what has got you to this place is not going to help you get to the place you need to be.
So remember there is a life afterwards, when all this is over. The most important decision for you now, is how you choose to get there.
7. Find a mediator
Sometimes the people closest to the problem are the least able to sort it out…. family mediation helps you both reach solutions that you have arrived at yourselves and that you feel are fair. Our skilled professional mediators will assist you in finding a solution which suits you both and your family.
If you would like to learn more about how family mediation can help you find a better way to divorce, please telephone the office on 01279 211657 for a fully confidential and free, no obligation discussion of your needs and one of our fully accredited mediators will talk you through our step by step mediation process.