Divorce can be like opening Pandora’s Box. As Pandora’s Box was opened, out poured all the destructive evils of the world with it – in a desperate attempt to shut the box, Pandora could only do so when all but one thing had escaped into the ether – that one thing that lurked at the bottom being ‘hope’…
Unleashing a divorce on a family, can feel as though the box of Pandora has been opened – right minded and rational, kind human beings can be taken over with such strength of feeling and emotion that they are almost unrecognisable, even to themselves…these emotions can lead to real fear…often then expressed through anger and frustration.
And it is this expression of anger in divorce which although can be quite ‘normal’ can also be destructive too… anger that can become rage, yes RAGE!!!
That anger may be masking more deep-seated feelings however – of fear, hurt, pain, guilt and perhaps grief.
So at times like these, it might really feel as though all the evils of the world are swirling around your family….
If you are divorcing without children, then you can (Reasonably) indulge this, although with a great deal of discomfort for all involved.
If you have children, then take a couple of moments to consider the following.
You may have had experience of friends or family members who have divorced – you may like both of the individuals in the couple but find yourself either gravitating to one or avoiding them both as their dislike of each other becomes more and more apparent.
To whom to you lend an ear? The cross-fire of arguments is uncomfortable at best and distressing at worst
This experience of being ‘stuck in the middle’ is often the experience of children of divorcing parents. We understand that it is a bit ask indeed to help you find a way to let go of each other as spouses and yet hang on to each other as parents.
It is complicated. But have a quick look at these questions when considering how best to tackle this:
- Can you really get 100% divorced from your ex if you have children?
- Even if you have a right to be angry, do your children need to be exposed to your anger?
- Is it possible that your children have a point of view about their mum or dad that’s different from your feelings about your ex?
- Can someone be a really bad husband or wife, but still be an ok parent?
- Do you still want your children to be dealing with your anger in a few years?
- Can you find a way to love your children more than you may hate your ex?
We know the answers to these should be easy, but we also know that in reality, putting those answers into effect is not so easy.
But, even in this complicated world of divorce, you can keep the lid on those destructive evils by hanging on to the hope that it is possible for your children to stay just children and not the children of divorce.