Love and Hate: two sides of the same coin

Love and Hate Two sides of the same coinWhen a couple separates, it is impossible to separate the love from the hate. You cannot simply turn off the long held affection for someone like switching off a tap. So there will be times when you ‘love to hate’ your ex and in the same breath ‘hate to love’.

So what can be done?

Often times at the height of our emotions, the seed of resentment and anger can grow if a combative approach is taken. Even the most beautifully crafted of solicitor’s letters can feel like a shot across the bows to the recipient who is hurting. Sadly, one thing can lead to another and before anyone knows it, the scene has been set and the route forward mapped out – to be concluded, yes, but after many months and quite a bit of heartache later – and that is not to mention the cost.

Take a moment to consider the two sides of that coin again. Rather than flip from one side to the other, imagine yourself steady in the middle, looking at a way forward that acknowledges the duality, but that is neither swayed by one nor the other. Mediation creates a pathway that can help you both gently put the upset to one side (not completely ignore it – after all, we are all human) but to set it aside just enough to allow you both a clearing sufficient to be able to work out the best methods available to you and your separating family. The best way to find workable and fair financial settlements and also the best way to work together as parents in the future.

Don’t flip the coin.

Rest it down for a moment.

Find out more about how mediation helps you to find the best way forward at

Carolyn Hanes
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