New Year – New Start

We’re only just getting over Christmas and already there are demands on us….

What are our New Year’s Resolutions going to be? To get fitter, thinner, fatter….Eat less, do less…Do more…

Give up …give in…just give? Get up and go? Read more…read less…write more..? Spend more time…save more time…make more time…  Join a club..

Do more as a family? Do less as a family? Or maybe even make one family into two households! But of course by this time you might not really care what your resolutions are.

But if there is one important resolution to make (and I’m guessing if you are reading this blog then you may be either contemplating or actually in the midst of a separation) then let it be this:

I resolve to make my divorce/separation the best it can possibly be

Sounds a bit glib? A bit like fun and run in the same sentence for those who don’t like to run – a best divorce sounds an oxymoron too far…

Looking at it another way – a divorce or separation at its worst can cause you, your ex and the entire family, damage. Not just in the instant, with damage to your pockets, to your peace of mind and to your pride, BUT longer term damage. Looking back in a few months or years when all is over and done with (or so you might think) and there is often room to look back in anger, regret, resentment. That settlement just didn’t feel fair. We don’t speak at all and the children suffer.  I can’t just pick up the phone to her when I need to let her know something important about the kids. I’m still paying off the legal bill.

The often unspoken and unnoticed costs of a bad divorce can be felt for years after the event

And remember – a good divorce is not necessarily a happy one! It is about tackling the practical issues of how to be fair to yourselves and each other in reaching a financial settlement you can both ‘live with’ without feeling the other has ‘won’ and you have ‘lost’ and it is about being the best parents you can be for your children – who let’s face it, deserve no less.

Our accredited family mediators at NLM can help the adjustment and help you and your separating family work out the better way to divorce.  Call our offices on 01279 211657 for a free, no obligation discussion with one of our mediators about how mediation can help your family



Carolyn Hanes
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